New England: Fact or Fiction

I’ve just returned to Philly after spending a couple of days back in Rhodey. It’s always good to go home, but I thought that I’d put a little twist on my trip report and play a little ESPN style Fact-or-Fiction.

Chelo’s has the best Chicken Parm Sandwich in New England.

FICTION – I don’t know when it happened, but Chelo’s changed my favorite sandwich. This is borderline criminal. Chelo’s had the greatest, chix parm sandwich...ever. It was a nice, open-faced deal. Now, they’ve got this funky bread, but it’s still pretty good.

Legend’s in Waltham is the place to be in Waltham on Saturday night.

FACT – One of my favorite parts of being home is karaoke. They have karaoke in Philly, but it’s just not the same to go to a dive bar and sing “You’ve lost that loving feeling” by yourself. Believe me, I know. So when Chiclet suggested that we roll out last Saturday, I jumped at the chance.

Here’s the chain of events.
• Chicky called me when I was close to let me know that it was in a plaza and behind “a muffler shop.”
• We go into the bar around 7pm and there are literally eight people in there. Four of them work at the place. Food and drinks are consumed; conversation is engaged. Cool bartender, though. The kind of guy that you could be friends with. That is, if you hang out with middle-aged bartenders.
• Starting at about 8:30ish, large women start filtering into the bar. By 9, there are about 30-40 folks. Not too bad. We decide to move into the karaoke den-area, where we are promptly greeted by Patrick the Karaoke DJ.
• I put in my slip (Bon Jovi’s “It’s my life”). I get up there and do my Bon Jovi thing and promptly win the crowd over with a heaping dose of enthusiasm, crowd participation, and fist pumps. Patrick was so impressed that he dropped this gem: “[Chiclet] is a very lucky lady.”
• Now, Chiclet is deciding what rocking song she wants to sing. Of course, she’s a lady and it takes her an estimated 17 hours to decide. In the meantime, I’m subjected to a parade of the Weather Girls singing sad country songs and 80’s-suicide-inducing ballads. The highlight (or lowlight, whatever) was a 315lb woman singing “Shake you bon bon.” Wonderful. Also, a 50-year-old guy named Don Vito, who was either drunk or retarded or both, sang “You’ve lost that loving feeling.” Let’s just say that in Don Vito I saw my own future and it scared me. Big time.
• Chiclet decided on “Rich Girl” by Gwen Stefani and Eve. She, as always, did a really good job. Unfortunately, since she wasn’t singing a Gretchen Wilson song or wearing a cowboy hat, the crowd wasn’t pleased. Apparently, rednecks can be stuck-up too. (As Chiclet aptly put it: "Who knew that Waltham was the Mason-Dixon Line?")
• More fat chicks sang more sad songs. Also, the SoCo and Lime girls showed up. They handed out beads and t-shirts. There was also a bar game called “Bar Bingo.” I’m still not quite clear on the rules, but an important element of the game was humiliating other patrons.
• To cap it off, me and Chicky sang “Every other time” by LFO. We did a bang up job (more her than me at this point), but the crowd probably had never heard the song before. Talk about a great, wasted effort.
• We leave.

Connecticut is underrated.

FICTION: The worst part of my drive home is the 112 miles that I spend in Connecticut. It’s awful. Why would anyone live there? Even the non-descript Delaware has tax-free booze. What does the World Insurance Capital bring to the table? Absolutely nothing. My blood pressure is rising just thinking about it.

Boston sports talk is better than Philly’s sport talk.

FACT: But not by much. The best show on WEEI is the Dale & Holly Show, but the rest is pretty obnoxious (especially the Big Show). The Providence station is pretty awful, too. Taken in it’s entirety, I give the slight edge to Boston. New York beats everyone, unfortunately.

It’s good to go home.

FACT: Easiest decision on the board. There’s something to be said for knowing every nook and cranny of a place. Down in Philly, I still feel like a foreigner. It’s also really cool to walk around a mall and see obscure jerseys, like Tim Wakefield’s. The only down side to going home is that there's never enough time and that weighs on me a lot when I'm back (too many people + not enough time = frustration). Philly is great, but there’s no place like home.