Why would someone come here?

Just for giggles, here are some of the Google searches that have brought folks to our little spot on the web.

* “drunks against mad mothers t-shirt”
* “diana taurasi skank”
* “lindsay lohan pitchers nipples”
* “write an article to your magazine stating the advantages”
* “andy sandberg pancake pizza commercial”
* ‘lindsay lohan rebuttal to Brandon davis”
* “significant, interesting, and unique things about germany”
* “if you are a racist, I will attack you with the north”
* “marc bulger girlfriend”
* “indifferent esolen”

My personal favorite: “I am currently infatuated with a physics geek arda”

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Congrats

Some say it would never happen. Others would say that the attempt was 'suicidal' and 'sure to drive him insane.' Somehow, someway, TPB's own Cannon has successfully completed law school. He graduated yesterday from Villanova's School of Law.

Congrats to him, his lady friend, and his family.

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GOOD GOD! That’s The Iconoclast’s music!

Well, I’m back. Exams have left me a battered and broken man, but I have returned. And this time, I’ve brought even more opinions with me.

I decided that, in lieu of a Derek-Jeter-is-not-a-great-player diatribe, that I’d throw together a 10 Ten Greatest Wrestlers of All Time List. By all time, I’m naturally referring to the span of 20 years or so that I’ve followed wrestling. Much like Fergie, I’m ready to get this started (and possibly retarded).

Ric Flair – WHOOOOO! I absolutely love this guy. As head of the Four Horsemen, he delivered many a merciless beatdown to the likes of Sting, Lex Luger, and David Flair (his son). My favorite Flair angle has to be when he released pictures of himself spending “some quality time” by the pool with Randy Savage’s wife. The highlight of my life was meeting The Nature Boy AND Randy Savage by the Beach and Yacht Club’s pool in Disney with my dad. Not understanding that he was just in the presence of greatness, my dad only remarked that he looked “somewhat effeminate” in person.

Roddy Piper – Roddy Piper was always a very intense guy. A typical Piper rant would go something like this: “Bret Hart. I remember when you was young and were about knee-high to a grasshopper. You were so cute and I remember that everyday I’d take you down into your dad’s dungeon and beat the ever-living tar out of you.” I’m not sure what’s worse: that someone actually said that or that I remember it from 14 years ago? (Wrestlemania VIII, btw.)

The Undertaker – Now this guy was super-badass. He showed up at the Survivor Series in 1990 and proceeded to eat Dusty Rhodes’ soul. It’s been all magic ever sine. A favorite storyline of his is when he died circa 1994 and ascended into the heaven, which was located somewhere in the rafters of the Providence Civic Center. Thankfully, he was resurrected a few months later (just in time for SummerSlam) and defeated himself to assert his own self-dominance or whatever.

Randy Savage – Whether it was sneak-attacking an Elvis impersonator, pimping Slim Jims (SNAP INTO IT), or getting taken apart by Peter Parker in Spiderman, no one was more consistently wily than the Macho Man. He had wild eyes and a magnificent beard. It kind of makes me sad to think of how far his career could have gone had his lady, Miss Elizabeth, not allowed herself to get repeatedly captured by the Honky Tonk Man and the Million Dollar Man. I’m also pretty sure that he was the first person I ever heard say ‘SON OF A BITCH.’

Mankind/Cactus Jack/Dude Love – I don’t have the words to express how much I loved this guy. He’s best known for taking a fantastic amount of pain in the ring, but he’s also an accomplished author. His fall through a steel cage in 1998 prompted Jim Ross to utter these immortal words: “That’s it. He’s dead.”

Hulk Hogan – For all you Iconomaniacs out there, I need you to listen to me, brutha. I hate this guy.

Shawn Michaels – Gotta love the Heartbreak Kid. I’ve never fully recovered from his treacherous attack on Marty Jannetty in 92 and threw Jannetty threw a barber shop window. Around 94 or so, he was also in the WWF’s first ladder match with Razor Ramon (one of my favorite xenophobia-inspired superstars).

Bret Hart – This guy was really proud to be Canadian. He loved Canada so much that he hated America. This guy was also really old school and hated the entertainment aspect of wrestling. This is why he probably spent the latter half of his career trying to sabotage Shawn Michaels. I did love this guy though. For years, I thought I was a really cool dude with my Bret Hart hot pink wraparounds. On a related note, I was also single during this period.

The Ultimate Warrior – Okay. He had absolutely no talent and was jacked up on more juice than Barry Bonds and Mark McGuire combined, but I will tell you that he had the coolest entrance of all time. There’d be this loud rock playing over the PA and he’d come running down the aisle at an estimated 87mph. He also had this weird thing where he’d employ the aid of his warrior gods during each match. He was a true legend.

Steve Austin – This guy was a beer-drinking, redneck. He also swore a lot. It goes without saying that I absolutely loved this guy.

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Random Linkage - Live Mario

From the file of random videos and other stuff:

Live Mario - Some people at Gordon College did an awesome job with this. Have I ever mentioned I'm a video game fan?

Now There's Two of Him - Those of you who have wondered what President Bush actually thinks can now find out, as he and an impersonator speak at the recent White House Correspondents Dinner.

David Copperfield's Twin - I think the title speaks for itself.

World War II R0X0RS! - Those of you who have played real time strategy games may appreciate this. Those who haven't may also appreciate it. (Warning: Language may not be suitable for those who can't handle alternate spellings of swears)

This Be How We Smrt Peeps Think - How do Americans really see the world? Come find out from this map.

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Character Counts

Outside of the entire steroid scandal, and tainting of all records over the last 7 years, no one likes Barry Bonds because he's a Jackass. He's constantly disgruntled with the media, too busy for any potential fans, and has a long track record of disparaging teammates and other players. Add this sparkling personality into someone who has cheated the record books and you've got Barry.

I'm of the ilk his, and all steroid records, shouldn't count and that he shouldn't be admitted to the hall. In my mind if the greatest hitter the game has ever seen can be bared from the hall for off field betting, a guy who cheated On The Field, ought to be barred as well. However, that sparks a much larger argument then the point I'm trying to make. Bonds is a Jackass and if I was pitching against him I would aim squarely for that ailing right knee on every pitch. Case in point, here's a brief description of what transpired last night after Bonds' press conference.

"On his way out of the press room he encountered Carlos Oliveras, the proud owner of home run ball No. 713. Oliveras, a 25-year-old Puerto Rico native, is serving at McGuire Air Force Base in New Jersey. He nabbed the Bonds ball after it ricocheted off the McDonalds sign, and held it between his legs until the frenzy abated. Oliveras asked Bonds to autograph the baseball. Bonds declined, but consented to a photograph."

Thanks so much Barry for allowing the Puerto Rican serviceman to grace a photograph with you, sorry the autograph was too much trouble, well it was either that or the serviceman wouldn't cough up 500 bucks to sign the ball (or whatever bonds is charging now adays). So here's a big "suck it" right back at you Bonds, hopefully your millions can cure the arthritus in your knee, and the lonely hole in your heart.

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Boys Club

A SALUTE!

And fond goodbye to Hootie Johnson who has decided to retire at age 75. If you don't know Hootie, he was the chairman of Augusta National Golf Club Georgia and The Masters. Hootie will forever be remembered as the man who successfully faught off an attempt by Martha Burk who wanted Augusta to admit female members. Hootie was successfully able to keep something sacred in a world of continuing degredation. A world where everything is integrated and everybody has a chance, there remains somthing that says "No we're men only, go knit". Now before anyone jumps off a ledge at my comments I'm the biggest democrat and equal rights advocate you'll find anywhere near this blog. That said, letting women into The Masters is like letting little boys join The Girl Scouts of America, it just doesn't make any sense. There are thousands of private country clubs within the U.S. that all allow female members, so here's to Augusta, holding back something that even a place called the Citadel could not. The following picture was taken at Martha Burk's rally pay special attention to the orange sign.

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Jeter: Overrated

One of my favorite sites to check out everyday is popandsports.com. One of their most recent entries deals with Derek “The Captain” Jeter. Apparently, someone on the planet claimed that he was overrated and the blog’s authors don’t like it.

Now, I hate Derek Jeter. You all know this. So, I must comment. Just for giggles let’s compare his numbers with Michal “The Unheralded” Young of the Texas Rangers. Both play short and both are about the same age. Over the last three seasons, here’s how these guys stack up in terms of OPS:

The Captain

2005 – .839
2004 – .823
2003 – .843

The Unheralded

2005 – .898
2004 – .836
2003 – .785

Both are pretty good. As of late, you have to give an advantage to Michael Young. Now, here’s some even more impressive numbers:

The Captain’s Salary – $20,000,000
Unheralded’s Salary – $3,075,000

I’m no stat geek or anything. But one of those numbers is exceptionally higher than the other. With the amount of money that you save with Young, King George would be able to overpay Jaret Wright, Kyle Farnsworth, AND Ron Villone. This may look real bleak for the Captain, but fret not Yankee Fan. The Captain does blow Young away in several statistical categories.

The Captain

GFP (Gratuitous Fist Pumps) – 947.5
UDIS (Unnecessary Dives Into the Stands) – 37
TANG (Intangibles) – 453.68

The Unheralded

GFP – 13
UDIS – 0
TANG – 107

Obviously, these stats show a huge advantage for Derelique. Out of a possible score of 453.72, Jeter has a magnificent 453.68 (second only to David Eckstein and Scott Podsednik). Michael Young falls woefully short in this column with a below-league average 107 (comparables include David Wells, Chistian Guzman, and Nick Punto).

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Sports Mount Rushmore

While watching Mike & Mike in the morning, on ESPN 2 yesterday they had an interesting segment. Who would be your sports Mount Rushmore, meaning from the 4 major sports, Football, Baseball, Hockey, and Basketball. Who would you classify as the four ultimate Icon or greatest players/figures from their respective sport. A fairly interesting thought so why not throw it out there. Also bonus points will be awarded for lack of homers. Lets start with the easy one: Baseball, Babe Ruth Your answer here has to be Babe Ruth, a man that not only transcended the game, but time which I feel is an even harder accomplishment. Not to mention he's second all time in home runs and won 94 games over his career as a starting pitcher, including one 24 win season. NO ONE will Ever be able to lay claim to the body of work that Babe does. A not so distant second would have to be Jackie revision however when you compare what they did as players your still left with Ruth. Next topic A less easy choice but still obvious: Hockey, Gordie Howe This guy played from 1945 until 1980, are you kidding me? It's a toss up here for me between him and Gretzky but I'll give the nod to the man who played for 35 years. Now the waters get muddy: Basketball, Michael Jordan Basketball has had so many changes in the game since it's inception. It is a far cry from it's beginnings in almost every aspect of the game. If I were to pick who I felt made the biggest change in the game I would say Wilt, but if I'm going one name, one face from the sport, it may be a reflection of my generation but I have to say Jordan. The definition of a great player is within their ability to make others around them better. Jordan was the best at this, with Jordan Tony Kukoc was able to score 20 a game, this player averaged about 5 per game playing with A.I who I feel is a top 50 player, but it is a small example that shows exactly who the king was and is. The best for last: Football, Jerry RIce Football is the hardest due to the nature of the game. It is truly a unit of 11 men who when moving correctly all together are successful. However the point of the game is to score touchdowns Jerry RIce scored more touchdowns than any other player to ever step on the field. He was able to dominate like no other at his position or any other position for that matter. He transcended the game by making a type of offense successful that is seen across the league now. This is the sport where I expect to see the largest spread, but how do you separate Joe Montana from Johnny Unitas, Jim Brown from Barry sanders, Lawrence Taylor from Reggie White. I do it by realizing none of them scored more touchdowns than Jerry.

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Vince Mcmahon vs. Jerry Jones

From the desk of The Ultimate Weapon:

In an effort to step up while the big boys are working hard on their finals, I pose this question: is it possible Vince McMahon and Jerry Jones were separated at birth? I was well entrenched in my draft coverage this weekend when late Sunday afternoon Jerry Jones pops on the screen in an interview with Ed Werder. And in that interview it struck me that Jerry had definitely been hitting the weight room (maybe the juice bar?). Much like McMahon later in his life who has been seen in the ring over the course of the last 10 years. So we have two extremely eccentric rich franchise owners, who have flaming grey hair, and apparently like to hit the juice.

Separated at birth, you decide...

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The Day the Red Sox Locked Up the Division

The Red Sox have reacquired, through a trade, Doug Mirabelli. Just let that sink in for a moment.

Who will the Sox acquire next? Could Lou Merloni be on the horizon? How about Brandon Lyon and David McCarty? Dare I say, Cesar Crespo?

In all seriousness news, this is great for the team. Here are some interesting points on this earth-shattering bit of news:

1. Doug Fatandsmelly can catch a knuckleball. This may not sound like a big deal. But on my car ride home the other night, Josh Bard had FOUR PASSED BALLS. The prospect of having to catch Wakefield was so demoralizing that it actually forced John Flaherty into retirement (that or not being very good at baseball).
2. Doug does not wear batting gloves. Two years ago this would have meant nothing to me. Unfortunately, through Moises Alou and Jorge "Metrosexual Pinocchio" Posada, we've learned that players who don't wear batting gloves toughen up their hands by urinating on them (to avoid blisters). As if you didn't have enough reasons before to not want to touch Dougie before.
3. He's very fat and so am I.
4. He's a pretty ridiculous guy. My favorite Mirabelli moment was during a game up in Toronto at night, he had on his eye-black and and shin guards...for a game that he wasn't starting. That's right. Eye-black at night in a dome.

Welcome back.

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